Out and Proud or In and Proud???

Well, Sunday marked the annual Doncaster Pride event. A day for public declarations of sexuality, to be proud and unashamedly gay. I have my own thoughts on this. I, as is anyone who identifies as a member of a minority group, am all to well aware of prejudice and stereotyping and feel that the only way to normalise my lifestyle "choice" is to be open and honest. Visibility is the key to acceptance. However, I'm sorry people but when I use the word normalise, I don't really know what that means, am I being homophobic? Do I mean normal for straight society or normal for gay society because it seems there is a difference!

When I walked around Keepmoat Stadium (well the car park anyway, seems like us gays are not quite worthy of entrance to the actual stadium) I felt an odd mix of emotion and it has to be said, pride was not one of them. I realised that stereotypes exist perhaps because we do all 'look the same'. I have always been proud of my 'gaydar' but realised that I don't have some paranormal sixth sense, heck no, I can spot a gay a mile away because we all wear the uniform! I have never seen such concentrated amount of wife beater vests, hair product and checked shirts! Bizarrely it seems that gender is irrelevant, boys and girls are using the same criteria to choose their hairdressers and their fashion choices, if it were not for the lady bumps I think I might of had trouble picking the boys from the girls!

With that in mind, my emotions were a combination of confusion, relief (I am not a scene lesbian and haven't been for some time), embarrassment (for a variety of reasons, a) that I am part of this community and, b) seeing some (not all) of my exes, my own past), fear, amusement, boredom, happiness, the list is endless. Now don't get me wrong, I am proud of my sexuality as much as I am proud of the person have become, and I was very much a part of that scene for many years and it was a huge much part of my journey toward becoming who I am today and boy did I have fun on that journey. Nevertheless, I see that period of my life as transitional, but many of the people that I saw at Pride where around during that period and are seem to be stuck in some kind of time warp. Never changing, never moving on, I wasn't sure if I hadn't actually gone back in time.

I figure there are many possible reasons for this. I have found, after some searching, the right person for me so my hunt is over and therefore my image had a different purpose. I wonder if I felt I needed to be easily identifiable by other lesbians in order to bag one for myself. Having 'bagged' one I no longer needed to be visibly identifiable. Or is it the influence of my wife that has changed my image and am I now trying to be someone else, still trying to fit in just to a different mould? Maybe it is just my age and a certain maturity that has altered my perception of self.

One thing I know for sure is that I had a great time seeing some old faces and catching up with people I only ever see at these events. I loved the atmosphere, I loved being openly affectionate with my wife and I had an all round good time with my friends who were both straight and gay and a little in between. Acceptance at Pride is a given, no-one cares who you love or how you identify, it is a safe place for all. So perhaps this is where the Pride comes into it. I saw all of these people, some whom I judge and criticise and yet, when I am around them I have no desire to hide who I am. I hold my wife's hand and have no fear of retribution.

OK, so in our attempts to be accepted as part of society and treated with equality, we have developed a community which enhances our stereotypes but it does increase visibility and I can, for a day be completely at ease with my sexuality. Therefore all you girls, boys, puffs, queers, queens, dykes, bois, womyn, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, friends of Dorothy, people of the rainbow flag, I thank you, I applaud you and I encourage you to continue on your quest. It is thanks to you all that I live the life I live and you are able to live yours. Be Proud, you have earnt it!!!!

Explanation/Introduction/Excuse for writing a self indulgent blog!

I am no stranger to the writing of a blog but at the same time, I am not a veteran either. My first blog had a very clear purpose. It was a kind of e-diary on the progress of our allotment which began with much enthusiasm and vision but dwindled into to non-existance almost as quickly (both allotment and blog sadly). My hope is that this blog will have a little more longevity, my enthusiasm being maintained by the ever increasing possibilities of subject matter. Yes thats right, this blog as no direction, it just promises to give you a wee insight into my thoughts, experiences and opinions of any mundane or ridiculous subject that catches my interest. I am therefore, fully aware that it may be of absolutely no interest to anyone other than myself, hence my suggestion at it being self indulgent.

This first post then, is an attempt to offer a glimpse of what it might look like, how often it might be and the kind of topics you may expect to see. I secretly (not so secretly now that I have mentioned it) hope that my friends and family will share the link to my blog with their friends and family so I get lots of views, some glossy mag will spot it and I will never have to work again and will become a world famous blogger! Deluded? yes, absolutely.

My writing style, as I guess you have worked out, is concise. Short and snappy, bad spelling, worse grammar and little or no structure. All attributes I have so far failed to improve whilst at university therefore confirming that I am not an academic writer. I shall write for pleasure, there will be no planning, straight from my head to keyboard, little or no proof reading but I hope, some amusing errors and/or anecdotes to keep you entertained.

My material will come from my life experiences as a forty something (well, just forty for now) mother of two (well, two for now, number three is on its way) who is a divorced from my husband and completely besotted with my wife, doing a social work degree, living with many animals (both human and non-human) and in 'possession' (not in the kidnap sense) of a slightly odd and crazy family and network of friends (c'mon, you all know that is true). I suspect I shall shower you with posts in a disorganised way, three one day, nothing for a fortnight, of course leaving you dying for more (again deluded? again, absolutely). With that in mind, I hope you will join me on a journey of (hopefully) witty tales of life as a late blooming mother(to be)/'lesbian'/student/hopeful who is still trying to find her life's talent and wondering if writing might be it!!